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Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

stay alive. please?

Thank you. I’m still here. I am trying to focus on the things that bring me happiness and reach out to friends and people I love a lot more, and so far, it has really helped. Just had a great night at the Drive-In with my best friend watching actiony movies and eating burgers and cheese fries, came home and watched some Six Feet Under (perfect show) and worked on painting this silly dragon incense burner I found (and must now make into Hiram McDaniels from WTNV shut up???). I also got to have coffee with my friend Tobi, who I…really need to appreciate more and show more love to, because he is kinda the brother I always wanted. My childhood friend since I was three is coming to see me in November, so I know that I have that carrot to run forward for over the next few months. Also, Halloween is coming, and I want to work on costumes. That always makes me happy. I also have Young Wizards drawings and jewelry to make, and I have to be breathing to do it. My wonderful former-boyfriend/friend Twon sent me some pens and a sketchbook, and I am already turning over what I want to fill it with. Maybe I will start Honeybee and Sweet Pea and make those ashcan comics I have been meaning to for years now.

I have a twelve-hour shift tomorrow, which I have to be up for in about two hours, but I feel like helping my mind will help the rest of me for tomorrow, even if I am tired. 

These feelings I have have become terrifying and feel so much bigger than me, but I know that it is kind of a hall of mirrors with anxiety and depression; nothing I am seeing is the full truth, but reflects things in me in a way I can only perceive as distorted or stretched, too small or too large to be the real nature of things, and as I walk forward, anything and everything has the ability to change in a moment as I move on. I know there will never be an end to the mirrors, but I also know that if I give up, I will see nothing at all, and I am not sure I should want that, too.

There is a dull, persistent ache in my heart for my girlfriend, especially because yesterday, she turned 30 and I wanted to be with her so much. I planned a day off of work originally but…kinda couldn’t afford to take it with the library renovations and things at home, but that is totally okay. I have to remember that, even when things aren’t happening like I need them to in my heart, they are happening how they need to in my life as a whole. My heart is sore, but, at least for tonight, I don’t feel empty…

…and holy shit, does that ever make a difference, and so does you saying something. I will do my best to keep moving forward. Thank you for taking the time, anon. 

I think one thing you can do to help your friends who are depressed is to reach out to them not in the spirit of helping, but in the spirit of liking them and wanting their company. “I’m here to help if you ever need me” is good to know, but hard to act on, especially when you’re in a dark place. Specific, ongoing, pleasure-based invitations are much easier to absorb. “I’m here. Let’s go to the movies. Or stay in and order takeout and watch some dumb TV.” “I’m having a party, it would be really great if you could come for a little while.” Ask them for help with things you know they are good at and like doing, so there is reciprocity and a way for them to contribute. “Will you come over Sunday and help me clear my closet of unfashionable and unflattering items? I trust your eye.” “Will you read this story I wrote and help me fix the dialogue?” “Want to make dinner together? You chop, I’ll assemble.” “I am going glasses shopping and I need another set of eyes.” Remind yourself why you like this person, and in the process, remind them that they are likable and worth your time and interest.

Talk to the parts of the person that aren’t being eaten by the depression. Make it as easy as possible to make and keep plans, if you have the emotional resources to be the initiator and to meet your friends a little more than halfway. If the person turns down a bunch of invitations in a row because (presumably) they don’t have the energy to be social, respect their autonomy by giving it a month or two and then try again. Keep the invitations simple; “Any chance we could have breakfast Saturday?” > “ARE YOU AVOIDING ME BECAUSE YOU’RE DEPRESSED OR BECAUSE YOU HATE ME I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU.” “I miss you and I want to see you” > “I’m worried about you.” A depressed person is going to have a shame spiral about how their shame is making them avoid you and how that’s giving them more shame, which is making them avoid you no matter what you do. No need for you to call attention to it. Just keep asking. “I want to see you” “Let’s do this thing.” “If you are feeling low, I understand, and I don’t want to impose on you, but I miss your face. Please come have coffee with me.” “Apology accepted. ApologIES accepted. So. Gelato and Outlander?”

#613: How do I reach out to my friends who have depression? | Captain Awkward

P.S. A lot of people with depression and other mental illnesses have trouble making decisions or choosing from a bunch of different options. “Wanna get dinner at that pizza place on Tuesday night?” is a LOT easier to answer than “So wanna hang out sometime? What do you want to do?”

(via zahnie)

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heatgunning:

blackbanshee:

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thank you cosplaysupplies!

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For my cosplay bros

the-goddamazon:

dilfgod:

I hate when people say money doesn’t buy you happiness. it does. it buys you financial stability, a nice house, nice cars, nice vacations and trips, healthier food, a better education, etc. like wearing burberry while driving around in an audi would probably make me pretty happy too. but it’s just that rich people often take their comfortable lives for granted and end up being spoiled and ungrateful for what they have 

Exactly.

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